Spotted on the internet: what estate agents say – and what they mean.
‘Recommended viewing’: The pictures are horrible, aren’t they?
‘Boasts’: Has
‘Benefits from’: Has
‘Comprises of’: Has
‘Superb lounge’: It has a lounge
‘An extensive range of shopping facilities nearby’: There’s a Tesco Metro, a newsagents, and a laundrette you’ll never use
‘It has a wonderful flowing entertaining space’: I’m basically just talking **** now
‘Fully fitted kitchen’: Good news, you won’t need to provide your own sink
‘WC / bathroom’: There’s a toilet, but we call it a WC because it makes it sound slightly more upmarket than saying the word toilet
‘This apartment has heating and carpets fitted’: We’re running out of stuff to say about this flat so I am just listing stuff you normally find in a house
‘The property has an open day’: You will have less than an hour to purchase this house, otherwise it will be gone forever and your dreams will lie in ruins
‘Original features’: Nothing has ever been repaired
In case you need to replenish your cliche cabinet, there’s more (lots more) here:
Comments (4)
Love these! Don't forget the classic "West-facing is the new South-facing!"
Keep them coming. Estate agency can be a tad dull sometimes – let's keep it fun!
Sam
One of my favourite bits of agentspeak – "You will be dealing with myself."
Oh, and since when did the perfectly good verb "to comprise" need to be followed by "of"??
Ah come on Chester Agent– lighten up!!
Personally I find this a little harsh and perhaps written by somebody seeking some recognition for their humour.
My take on it:
‘Recommended viewing’: We cannot take pictures of everything and there are particular features in and around the property that you will benefit from seeing for yourself.
‘Boasts’: It has a feature that you do not see in every property
‘Benefits from’: It has a feature that not everybody will upgrade their house with
‘Comprises of’: A short description of the main features
‘Superb lounge’: An unusually light or spacious lounge which you do not see in every property but not best described with superb.
‘An extensive range of shopping facilities nearby’: Retail park/main supermarket close by.
‘It has a wonderful flowing entertaining space’: Open plan lounge/dining/kitchen with patio doors leading out to the rear decked area.
‘Fully fitted kitchen’: dishwasher, washing machine, drier, cooker, fridge freezer built in.
‘WC / bathroom’: Downstairs toilet with wash hand basin.
‘This apartment has heating and carpets fitted’: I rarely see this.
‘The property has an open day’: Perhaps it has particular features best seen in the flesh, or admittedly it has hung around for longer than expected and we want to get people through the door to show of its best features.
‘Original features’: This can include but not limited to, exposed beams, fireplaces, quarry tiled flooring, stained glass windows, mosaic tiled flooring, well/pump in the garden and so on.